ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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