so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize