If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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