just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize