You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she peed on how many people?
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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