:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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