tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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