he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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