kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize