My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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