The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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