I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize