I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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