hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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