Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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