First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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