how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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