If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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