Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize