nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize