One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have so much sex to catch up on
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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