Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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