Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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