Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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