My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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