I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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