They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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