Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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