no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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