i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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