I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize