Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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