So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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