yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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