I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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