Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize