I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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