it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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