I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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