This dress was meant to end up on your floor
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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