Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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