I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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