Moan for me like Helen Keller
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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