Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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