I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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