I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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