Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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