it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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