We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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