u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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